Grief Doesn't Take a Holiday: Walking With the Brokenhearted Between Thanksgiving and New Year (Part 2: Walking With Them)

“You do not have to find the perfect words. You have to be willing to stay.”

Once you begin to see who is grieving, the question becomes: What can I do? Many helpers freeze at this point, not because they lack love, but because they fear saying the wrong thing. That fear is understandable. But you do not need a polished speech to offer meaningful care. You need a willing heart, a little thoughtfulness, and the courage to stay present.

Across more than 30 years of ministry, recovery, and coaching experience, Rev. Winston C. Trumpet has seen that compassion is not measured by whether we can explain someone’s pain. It shows in how faithfully we walk alongside them.

What to Say: Choose Presence Over Platitudes

A short, honest sentence often offers more comfort than a long explanation. Try:

• “I remember.”
• “Tell me about him.”
• “This season must be hard.”
• “You do not have to pretend with me.”
• “I am here on the hard days too.”

Use the person’s loved one’s name, if they welcome it. Ask one gentle question, then let the answer take the time it takes. You do not need to fill every pause. Listening without rushing to fix the moment can help someone feel less alone.

Some familiar phrases can land painfully, even when they are meant kindly. Avoid “They are in a better place,” “At least…,” “God needed another angel,” “You should be grateful for the time you had,” “Everything happens for a reason,” and “You need to stay strong.” These words may minimize the loss, impose an explanation, or make the person feel they must hide their pain.

Do not pressure someone toward joy or insist they join in celebrations. Grief and gratitude can sit side by side, but no one should have to perform happiness to make others comfortable.

Name the loss rather than explaining it. Offer presence instead of a platitude.

What to Do: Make Care Specific

Small acts of thoughtfulness can help someone feel remembered before, during, and after a holiday.

Send a note before the holiday, not only afterward. Write a few sincere lines: “I’m thinking of you and remembering that this season may be hard. No need to reply. I’m here.” Your message does not have to solve anything. It simply says, “You are not forgotten.”

Invite without pressure. Instead of “Come by if you want,” offer a specific seat: “There will be a place for you at my table on Thanksgiving. You can stay for a little while or leave whenever you need.” A concrete invitation gives the person something real to consider, while leaving them free to choose.

Make space for the story. Ask one question, such as, “What has this season been bringing up for you?” Then listen. Do not hurry to compare, advise, or redirect. Let the person decide how much to share.

Honor the empty chair. If the grieving person wants to set a place, light a candle, say a loved one’s name, or keep a familiar tradition, make room for it. Do not rush them past a remembrance because it feels uncomfortable. Ask what would feel right to them.

Watch the hard dates. A death anniversary, birthday, Christmas Eve, or another personal milestone can carry its own weight. Make a note of the date and check in beforehand. A simple message can say, “I know tomorrow may be difficult. I’m thinking of you.”

Include children and teens. Speak to them with care, not only through the adults around them. Offer them choices about participating in traditions or remembrance. Give them permission to have mixed feelings and to ask questions.

Follow up after New Year. When the decorations come down and everyone else moves on, grief may still be there. Reach out in January. Ask how the holiday was for them, and listen without expecting a tidy answer.

For Churches and Programs: Make Room for Grief

A few thoughtful practices can help a congregation or care program feel more welcoming to people carrying loss.

• Include a brief moment of remembrance in a service, without asking anyone to share publicly.
• Offer a “longest night” or blue Christmas-style gathering for people who cannot celebrate loudly.
• Prepare greeters and group leaders to notice, welcome, and listen without putting anyone on the spot.
• Give recovery-program participants extra structure and check-ins during holiday weeks, when old patterns and pressures may become harder to manage.

Make participation flexible. Let people sit near an exit, step out, or simply receive care without explaining themselves.

The Hard Moments: Stay Gentle

If someone cries during a service, do not treat the tears as a problem you must fix. Sit nearby if appropriate, offer a tissue, and ask quietly whether they would like company or space. Let the moment be human.

If someone skips the dinner, do not assume it is rejection. The gathering may be more than they can manage this year. Send a kind message afterward. Keep the relationship open without requiring an explanation.

If someone gets angry with you, resist the urge to become defensive or disappear. Anger can be grief in armor. Hear what is being said, acknowledge the hurt you can see, and stay gentle. If the conversation becomes unsafe, set a calm boundary and arrange another time or person to support the conversation.

You will not always get the response you hope for. Offer care without demanding that it be received in a particular way.

Receive Comfort, Share Comfort

Second Corinthians 1:3-4 describes God as “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,” who comforts us so we can comfort others. You are not being asked to become the source of someone else’s healing. You are invited to share the care you have received, with humility and compassion.

That work costs something, especially in the darkest weeks of the year. Protect a rest window. Name your limits. Share care with another trusted person rather than carrying every check-in alone.

Notice when you dread services, feel numb when people share their stories, become irritable at home, or lose sleep after a hard visit. These may be signs that you are absorbing too much. Limits are design, not defect. Rest and shared care help you remain present without pretending to be limitless.

Your “Walking With Them” Plan

Choose a few people you can care for with intention. Keep their privacy in mind and share details only with those who need to know.

The two or three people I will walk with this season:
Answer: ______

The date I will send my first note:
Answer: ______

The specific invitation I will make:
Answer: ______

The hard date I will watch for:
Answer: ______

The person who will share this care with me:
Answer: ______

The rest window I will protect for myself:
Answer: ______

If you are carrying many people’s pain this season, take five minutes for the free Compassion Fatigue & Ministry Burnout Assessment. Its 14 questions can help you honestly evaluate your current level of compassion fatigue, emotional exhaustion, and spiritual resilience.

You do not need perfect words or an answer for every sorrow. Offer a steady presence, honor each person’s pace, and keep walking with them through the hard days and the quieter ones that follow. May you carry compassion with courage, and may those who grieve find in you a gentle companion for the road.

About the Ministry

W.C. Trumpet & Family Ministries (Compassionate C.A.R.E Ministries) offers compassion-focused, faith-rooted guidance for people navigating personal, professional, and spiritual change. With more than 30 years of ministry, recovery, and coaching experience, Rev. Winston C. Trumpet is committed to helping people take meaningful steps toward renewed purpose and well-being. Learn more about the ministry.